Vision: The Art of Sight

Vision: “the faculty or state of being able to see” and “the ability to think about or plan the future with imagination or wisdom.”

One of the topics of conversation that has buzzed around our household significantly over the last two years has been the topic of vision.  We’ve approached it from every angle.. what it is, what is isn’t, is it good, is it bad, how you form it, where it comes from, ad infinitum etc.

We maintain that vision is absolutely necessary– that a clear idea of direction and method is necessary for the growing and successfully functioning minister/ministry.  It does not inhibit being led by the Spirit but is a result of it.  The direction will inform the method, but it doesn’t work the other way around– that’s how you build up religion and create a slow death of your ministry.  To develop vision, the general answer you’ll need to provide is to the statement: “describe the final product/fruit that will be produced through such and such ministry”.

Per our discussions… and convictions… here is what vision is not:

-A haphazard thing— it’s not… or rather ought not to be… something that is produced because one thinks “oh… we probably need a vision statement”.  It’s not a pretty collage of words because we want to justify what we’re doing or because we want to impress or excite people with what we’re doing.

-A Self-decided thing— If we live by faith, walk by faith, walk with the Lord, then we do not walk by our own understanding or reasoning.  Vision, because it is such an all-encompassing thing like sight, ought first to come from the Lord.  We do not decide.  We pray, ask, wait and listen. We experience His guiding, in whatever way He guides you… since we’re all different.  But it will certainly reflect and clearly exemplify and in no way contradict or preferentially interpret Scripture.

-It’s not about what you can accomplish. Name one time in the Bible that the Lord gave someone a task that they could do on their own.  … … Right?And if it were all about what you could do, you’d get all the glory.

So, vision is purposeful and is about glorifying God.  It ought to be from the Lord and it will certainly be bigger than what you can accomplish on your own or by yourself.

Here’s what vision does:

-It informs your decisions. If God has called you or has given you vision, then you’ll make the practical decisions that will keep you focused on the path God is leading you on. For example, the apostles delegated work in Acts 6 because they knew they were to dedicate themselves to the Word and to prayer (v.4). Granted, He does things that are counter-intuitive at times.  I knew that God was eventually calling me to Asia, but I felt His leading for missions training in Mexico.  What came of that?  Well, I married a Hispanic man (after I ended up in Asia, by the way).  He wanted to give me tools and experience that I’d need for the future.

-It motivates you (and others) to give your best.   As a leader, not having a clear vision with a focus on glorifying and obeying and walking with our God to a specified destination together, you will- at best- produce a bunch of apathetic, but sincere, people… or initially zealous, but eventually discouraged people.

-It keeps you from putzing around.  God is a God of plans.  He’s always had a plan, He’s always doing things. We don’t know it all, but He usually gives people clues as to what He’s doing in the Bible. We are to have ears to hear and be wise as to what the Lord is doing.  Vision from the Lord will keep us from idleness.

Vision is not a mystical thing.  Let’s go back to the first definition of vision: “the faculty or state of being able to see”.  That’s pretty down to earth, right? Vision is sight.  Here, it’s seeing with the eyes of faith.  Not what you want to see– that’s called delusion.  But it’s what God wants to see, how He intends things to be.

I think this can be found all over Scripture.  There’s more I’ll post on this in the future, but at the moment, Ephesians 4:11-16 comes to mind.  It’s full of all these things talked about here– description of the final fruit, method, function, destination, what it’s not, etc.

 

 

So… if you’re looking for vision, for what the Lord has for you and what the Lord has for your life, ministry, marriage, parenting etc…. I’d recommend the following course of action:

  1. “What does the final product/fruit look like?” Propose this question to the Lord.  Pray.  Wait.  Listen.  Search the Scriptures.  Rinse and Repeat.  Don’t rush.
  2. As so many were instructed to do in the Scriptures: write down the vision.
  3. Submit it to the Lord and repeat step 1.
  4. Ask the Lord, “Ok, Lord, how are we going to get there?” and “What do you want me to do/how am I to obey your voice?”
  5. Trust the Lord.
  6. Give it your all.  Be faithful in everything.
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Of a Piece or All to Pieces

Tonight, I sat rocking our little baby back to sleep.  I was thinking about how different her and our older daughter are.

Rosalyn sucked her thumb.  No matter how many times I’ve tried, I cannot get Eliana to suck hers– she likes her binky.

Rosalyn decided cold turkey at 4 months she didn’t want to be swaddled or rocked to sleep anymore… much to momma’s dismay.  Eliana likes to transition slowly into change.

Rosalyn never spit up. I had soooo many spit rags that I never used.  Now, I always have one within reach because Eliana spits up ALL the time.

Rosalyn was very outgoing and a performer from infancy.  Eliana seems to prefer her momma and people she’s familiar with.

Rosalyn was always pretty easy going and calm.  Eliana likes to be on the move… and she moves a lot!  On the other hand, Rosalyn moved all around while sleeping– she rolled around whole bed.  But Eliana stays in one position, moving only her head, even when she’s not swaddled.

I often say that Rosalyn was such an easy baby.  And she was.  But it implies that Eliana is a difficult baby.  Which isn’t necessarily untrue… but what it really comes down to is that I’ve had to grow more this time around than I had to grow with Rosalyn. Sure, I grew in all the normal ways you’re forced to when becoming a parent for the first time.  But this time around, I’ve been challenged on whole new playing fields.  I’ve had to level-up not only my own parenting skills but my own personal life.  I’ve learned so much more this time around.

They say that each child is different and you can’t parent the same.  I knew that coming in.  And yet, I still approached caring for Eliana and parenting her with the same skills and tactics that worked for Rosalyn.  Even though I knew that it would be different.

I think it’s normal to approach things with what skills and knowledge you already have about you.  We approach life according to our own understanding of how to do things.  We approach situations, people, circumstances with our own comprehension.

Some cases it works well.  But in other cases, it can leave us completely frustrated and unsuccessful.

Scripture tells us to lean not on our own understanding. Don’t lean on what you’ve already learned, what you’ve already accomplished, what skills you’ve already acquired.  Yes, those things are useful, but they may or may not work.  But don’t approach life and circumstances solely from that angle.  Because that’s when we’ve stopped learning… it’s putting a cork on learning from the Lord.

Instead, approach the Lord.  It may be that He’s already given you the skill you need through some other circumstance.  Or it may be that He wants to give you a new tool or change how you use a tool you already have to better fit what you’re going through now.

It’s growing and walking together WITH Him.  It’s learning from Him and walking in His power.

For me, it’s learning to grow with my child.  It’s learning how to be a better mom because of the grace of the Lord.

It’s learning to walk together– with Him.  With my husband.  With my kids.  With believers.  With unbelievers.  And if I get the first one right, all the rest flow through.  If I walk by myself, according to my own might… well, things might just go to pieces.

 

Pre-Preschool

So, I’ve been promising a post about preschools in Japan and my foray into that world.  I don’t have a lot for you yet but I’ll tell you what I’m finding out.

A lot of preschools have a pre-preschool program that helps kids become familiar with being with the teachers and the format of school and being away from mom.  Sometimes kids will go one to two times a week for an hour or two for the year before the child enters preschool.

Kids typically enter preschool when they are 3 (April to March is the way kids are divided so our daughter is one of the oldest right now). There are 3 years of preschool, no kindergarten and elementary starts with 1st grade.

I knew about these programs but I wasn’t planning to get Rosalyn involved (and I didn’t know they started so soon– I thought it was still a few more months down the road). But after watching our daughter in some interactions with other kids around, I really wanted to help her become accustomed to the Japanese language and way of doing things.

People say that kids adjust quickly and there’s no worries. And that’s true.  Especially with our outgoing little one.  But because she is a foreigner and Japan is a country all about fitting in, I want to set her on a good path from the beginning.

The program is fun, with play time, songs and little dances and a self-introduction every week.  I try to help her along with that and we practice a few times a week, mimicking their routine and what all she’s supposed to say.  Unfortunately, they do typically change one of the questions that the kids answer every week.  So, there’s always that moment.  The teachers are very gentle though and it seems they have some experience with a few kids who don’t speak Japanese upon entry to the school.

Anyway, there’s a craft or an activity and the kids practice their skills and have a lot of fun.  It’s one of the highlights of the week for Rosalyn and she wakes up ready to go to school.  We’ll see how long that lasts.

For me, it’s a gentle intro to the world of School Mom in Japan.  I have a lot to learn, different things to keep track of and prepare for, different things to bring each week for her.  When she gets into school, she’ll have a few different types of uniforms and a bunch of things that apparently I have to make or sew.  At least that seems to be the thing to do.  All the kids have the same style of water bottle so I went and got her one (which she is thrilled about) and don’t get me started on bento lunches for kids.

For me, it presents a lot of questions.  And not even just about how to fill in paperwork. Every week the teacher gives a short speech with important info to the parents for the next week/month.  Trying to wrangle an excited 3 year old and keep a noisy baby happy and pay attention to what they’re saying usually presents a conundrum for me.  Almost every week I have to confirm what I thought I heard and what I need to do with another parent or the teachers.

Anyhow.  There are other questions too.  How much am I going to try to integrate both myself and my daughter?  For example, I wear make up every time I go and am careful to dress my daughter really well.  Most of the moms look effortlessly chic.  I don’t think I achieve effortless, but I try to nail the “put together” or at least just “together”.

But again, where is the line of adjustment?  How can I help my daughter the most?  She will soon outstrip me by a long mile of her knowledge of how things work and language, but will trying “too hard” or “not hard enough” have any negative effects?  You might wave me off, but I’ve heard of foreign kids here- in preschool- getting made fun of for having goldfish in their lunchbox.  That’s a totally normal lunchbox snack for an American.  But not here apparently.  And everything here in Japan is about conformity.  There are young kids my daughter has played with in public play areas that have been mean to her because she didn’t speak Japanese.  This is within the last few months.  She was a little oblivious to it all, but she won’t always be.

Hence our decision to get her involved in different activities and get her out playing as much as possible with other Japanese kids.

So, it’s a learning curve…. a BIG learning curve for both of us.  It’s fun and I do really enjoy it immensely.  But it gets me thinking a lot about how to make this a successful experience for everyone.

Come October/November time, application time for actual entry to the school will begin.  There will be more to come then.  I’ve heard a lot about the different things I have to do… and have been advised to get a sewing machine in preparation.

So.  There we go…  Paper forms.  Uniforms.  Sewing machines.  Bento boxes.

This next year should be interesting!

It’s a Small World After All…

Recently we met (re-met?) some folks from our home church in California… but on this side of the globe.  It turned out to be a series of interesting surprises on both our sides.

I say re-met because we actually met this Japanese family briefly on our trip home over a year ago.  We chatted for a while after a service, but then that trip was so incredibly busy that we never were able to connect again.

Our home church has been featuring a different missionary every month, which has been pretty fun to see.  We were able to skype in at like 1:30 one Monday morning for us, to attend the 9am service back home.  It was really refreshing and we were able to chat with some folks in between services via skype out in the courtyard.

Anyhow, the wife of the family stopped by our table and asked if we would be attending a certain event in Japan.  We had heard about it and she was going to be a translator, so of course, we definitely wanted to make sure we showed up!

A month later–  My husband went to the event (I couldn’t with the kids) and connected.  Turns our this great Japanese couple had gotten saved in America and then when some natural transitions happened in their life, they began searching for a home church closer to home.  They were looking around but hadn’t really decided anything.

They visited our church and upon walking in the door, our names/faces (?) were on the screen: Missionaries to Japan.  It was very striking to them, and their expressions telling the story are always big each time. For them it was a sign, that this church had a heart for Japan.  That night there happened to be a night of prayer for the missionaries and they decided they wanted to go and participate and after that night, for them, their new home church was decided.

We had no idea this was going on.  We weren’t even in the country.  Anyway, Vicente and I were amazed to hear the story!  Praise God they were able to connect to a wonderful home church!!

The next Sunday, I show up to church and Vicente helps me with getting the kids down the stairs and tells me that their family is here.  EEhhh?  (It’s a Japanese sound of surprise and questioning). Well, we chatted a bit after service and invited them for a meal at our place later that week.

The wife was still translating at events, but her husband and daughters came.  He told us another amazing tale. Apparently this is his hometown.  Right?  Of all the places in Japan! A few years ago, he was on a visit and attended a small fellowship of a few people some stops over on the train line.  He looked for it again when visiting this time but couldn’t find it.  So, he decided to check if there was any Calvary Chapels in the area and was surprised to find one in Tokorozawa.  He and his daughters showed up for the service.

What they didn’t know was that we are working at the same church!  They knew that we were in the Tokyo area, but weren’t sure where.  And we only just recently updated in the info on our home church’s website.  So, they were able to connect with us, we had dinner and fellowship and a time of encouragement together as we shared testimonies.

This week the husband will return home, though his wife and daughters will stay on in different places in Japan.  Today they came to church again and said their goodbyes.  They waited for Vicente, who had run to the store after service, to return.

He left us with some words of encouragement– I know Japan can be a difficult place.   It can be hard.  But keep working hard– keep persevering!

After such a story of connections, our heart is amazed at how God works things.  Neither of us were aware of how God was setting things up and maneuvering things to lead us to where He wanted us to be.  The words from this couple who we feel like God has obviously connected us with are one of those things that we’ll put aside in our hearts as a mile-marker along the path we walk.

An Answer to the Call

This week, I read an article entitled, “Four Misconceptions of the Missionary Call“, which of course peaked my interest.  I agreed with about 80-85% of it, and the final 15-20%… well, I get what he’s trying to say.

But obviously, I have something to say too.

What a very American statement, huh.

First of all, the article begins with the misconception that missionaries are some spiritual model in the line of Superman or perhaps an odd nut that fell off the tree.  No, we’re not. A vast majority of us are very normal.  We have faults, we get irritated, there are many things we don’t know how to do, we prefer chocolate to whatever weird insect is being fried up.  Our hindsight is 20-20, our foresight… not always. We’re learning, we’re growing, we survive by God’s grace.  Weird note, I absolutely do not like eggs.  Is there any country in the world that doesn’t use eggs as a main staple?? You’re supposed to eat whatever is served before you (eggs can be served in a variety of ways) and yet, this is the one thing I don’t like. Seriously??? I’ve always felt that liking eggs would make me a much better missionary.

Anyway, yes, we’re normal.  I’ll leave it there.

The article then goes on to talk about the “call”.  The author brings up a lot of good points.  However, I think maybe there’s a little caveat that needs to be added about obedience to Matthew 28:18-20.

First of all, a missionary should “go” because of Matthew 28:18-20.  We ALL should “go” because of Matthew 28:18-20 (from here, shortened to M28).  That is the ultimate basis for action because the Word of God is our foundation for living.  

Because all nations [peoples] is specified, this verse should make every Christian ask themselves, “Lord, are you calling me to make disciples overseas?  In which nation do you want me to make disciples?”

Let me share the conclusion and then backtrack:

We need to seek the Lord’s guidance on the question of where to make disciples.

1- We are called to make disciples of all nations. Yes.  Period.  Right? Yes.  But, guess what? Your home nation is a nation included in that list too.  This does not mean that it is God’s will that every Christian should go overseas to work and make disciples in a foreign country.  If you want to get technical about the verse, I’m pretty sure you cannot physically in your lifetime go to all nations and make disciples and so obey that verse to last point.  We need to be strategically placed, according to the Lord’s strategy, not our own strategy or our own preferences.

It was the Lord’s strategy in Acts 13:1-4 to send Barnabas and Saul out for a specific task the Lord had for them.  It wasn’t a haphazard or whimsical thing.  It happened because of the Lord’s clear guiding.  It was the Lord who sent them out, and then the church; not Barnabas and Saul who sent themselves out.

The danger I feel that this article presents in saying that M28 is sufficient by itself for missionary service is that people who are merely interested in another country, culture or language, whatever, can feel confident to say without waiting for the Lord, “Oh, I’m just going to obey this verse, and head over to Thailand to make disciples because this verse is sufficient enough to go. Thailand has always called my attention, and so I’m going”.  Who is doing the sending out here? M28 is the absolutely the foundation of the “going”, but then again, perhaps it’s the Lord’s will that said person makes disciples in his home nation.  Anyway, this leads me to…

2.  “The Call”- Many people think that there is a special, mystical “call” or experience or voice from heaven that people have that lead them to missions.  The “M28 call” is a church-wide call that we all have to make disciples.  As far as missions goes, though, God leads and sometimes we begin with desire/interest and sometimes it’s developed/revealed with time and opportunity.  But what I do think that there needs to be is personal confirmation.  I think this looks different for every person.  Some people do have “experiences”.  Some people have deep conviction and peace.  Some have a Scripture that they hold onto that the Lord spoke in a specific moment. Some have all of the above.  It’s similar to our testimony of how we met the Lord– some people, it’s an action-packed, dramatic conversion.  Some people begin walking with the Lord when they’re young and have a different kind of testimony. It’s different for each person.

The point is that we are walking with the Lord and being led by the Spirit. And this leading to a “missionary call” is just another step like everyone else takes on their own path.

I do think that it’s essential to have this confirmation– both personal and from leadership who can recognize it as well.  See Acts 13 if you’d like me to back that up.  But why do I say this?  Because missions will affect and probably change every area of your life- areas you didn’t even know you had.  And because sometimes it’s hard on the field.  Remember, we’re normal, right?  Well, sometimes it’s extremely stressful, sometimes we have way too much on our plates, sometimes we get hurt, sometimes we’re afraid, sometimes we miss home, and there’s always pressure from every side.  There’s a spiritual battle going on that is always intense.

And when it’s dark all around you and you’re not even sure what you’re doing and how you’re going to make it through and if you can even do this, you can go back to– “you know what, I know that I know that I know that the Lord led me here.  I know it.  [insert a grunt and thumping of the chest here]. And so I’m going to hang out and wait on the Lord.”

It’s a lot easier to give up if that initial confirmation or firm persuasion from the Lord isn’t there.

3- Don’t write yourself off. Many people don’t even consider missions for themselves.  They don’t pray about it.  They don’t want to or are afraid to. Or they write themselves off due to whatever excuse that makes things impossible. But I’ve met many types of missionaries, with many personalities, with a variety issues, with many strengths, with many visions. Praise God! We are not one set mold.

M28 should push us toward complete surrender (no matter the conclusion to the question of where) and it should push us toward strategic focus.  We need to look at the task we’ve been given as a church, we need to pray intensely to the Lord about what He wants each of us to do (and not be idle in the meantime) and we need to make sure the job gets done.  I feel like there are definitely aspects of this that we can look at logically and go, “this is my personality and my giftings, this makes sense for me”.  But we should not let our logic and human thinking have the final say.  The Lord should have that. We shouldn’t say, “Oh, I could never be a missionary because I could never leave my family.”  Yes, you could.  If the Lord called you to and you were committed to obedience, you could.  The question is, are you willing to if He so asks?

Remember, the Lord’s grace is abundant and rich and sufficient for us.

4.  Lastly, a challenge. M28 is your call. No matter what, you are to go, leave the proverbial four walls of your church, and make disciples.  You are a part of making sure that the task is completed.

M28 should inspire us with a bigger vision than just ourselves.  It should inspire us to make sure the job is getting done.  And many people do make sure the big picture is getting done, by sending, praying, supporting, assisting, etc.  Those possibilities go on and on and that is SO exciting!

The challenge?  To learn: what specific parts of the task are not yet complete?  (this is a loaded, oversimplified question) Where are the needs? What has the Lord gifted you with?  I love the question the author of that article poses: “How can I best serve in this Kingdom, with the ultimate purpose of seeing the nations saved?”  Think!  God gave us a brain, and I believe the Lord is pleased when we, with passionate and compassionate hearts, seriously consider and dream up and strategize.

BUT. Pray and seek.  Ultimately, they are HIS plans. His Will.  We do His bidding, He does not follow our whims.  We submit our plans to HIM and do not lean on our own understanding.  “Lord, I will obey you now and make disciples here and now.  But would you also have me to go overseas to accomplish the task?  Is your will for me to stay and make disciples in my home nation? Would you have me to go to the [insert ethnic district in your city] and focus on making disciples?  Would you have me to focus on the field of the moms in the PTA group?  Would you have me praying intensely for my coworkers in the surrounding cubicles as my disciple-making field?”

And wherever it is, whether you have an adventurous personality and are itching to go or you love the comforts of your familiar hometown and accessibility of cheese and ranch dressing, will you be willing to surrender your desires and be led by the Spirit?

I think if we are all doing this, so many of the misconceptions about missions will begin to be cleared up.  We’re all working to accomplish one task: make disciples (which is a life-long process- a whole separate blog). We are all part of one body, no part is greater, we have different functions, different strengths, different vulnerabilities.  All parts are vital.  But it’s all of our jobs to listen to the Head, to cooperate and work together, hold each other up, and make sure we obey our Lord.

The Silver Lining

Well, I wasn’t kidding with my last post.  It’s been awhile and it’ll probably be awhile yet again.  But I’ll do what I can, if only because this is something I enjoy.

Our little one stayed in the hospital a week, suddenly making rapid progress 24 hours after vomiting clear across the room with surprising force.  I doubt I’ll forget that moment or the night that followed.  Anyhow, oddly enough, she actually seems to like nurses these days.

Since then, my schedule has been full of researching hospital bill payments, city hall procedures, baby appointments, getting our daughter enrolled in a pre-preschool program, helping out and meeting with our interns, and trying to keep up with household work, financial reports, correspondence and a million other things.

One thing that has been really really cool about this whole process is that we’ve made relationships with our neighbors soooo much closer.  During April, my neighbor had her second baby via c-section, which of course I experienced in February.  Both sets of grandparents being far away, she was alone to take care of her kids most of the day (though the older goes to preschool).  Knowing how hard it was for me, I had a lot of compassion for her! When I went to visit her in the hospital, I didn’t bother asking but informed her that I planned to make her meals when she got home.  She was so surprised but grateful, wanting help but unable to ask for it.  Not uncommon here.  So, I made a few meals for her on the day she got home and then one the day that I left to take our baby to the doctor… of course ending up in the hospital that night.  Earlier that week, we had gone grocery shopping and I picked up some goodies for her– healthy things specifically for momma and snacks and dropped them off on the spur of the moment.

She answered the door and cried.

Of course, I cried too, because… well… hormones.  I’m sure it’s probably mostly that for her too, but Japanese don’t cry.  So, we had a bonding moment.

Naturally, she was looking for a way to repay me– because it’s considered obligation in Japan to return the favor.  Not wanting that, I asked for help in a different direction– making a phone call to the hospital payment center for me and later casually asking for help with preschool info.

Dingdingding.  This has been the key.  On the day she made the call, I awkwardly told her she didn’t need to use polite language with me anymore. She was SO excited and told me she was trying to figure out the right timing to “become friends”.  I’d tried making the switch informally a number of times, but she always continued using polite form language.  Inevitably, I’d go back to polite form, trying to figure out if she wanted to keep me at a distance or what.

It seems there might be a specific transition moment to make the change.  I’ll ask around, but this is the second time having this conversation with someone.  So, I might be on to sometime. Timing.

Anyway, since then we message back and forth through our shared wall frequently.  She sends incredibly long messages (for me, at least), so it takes a bit of concentration to focus on what she’s saying and then to come up with a decent response.  And not surprisingly, a few of our messages have taken place at 4am.

In the almost month since then, we’ve hung out at each others’ houses, been invited to use nicknames, gone to a local event as families, and she’s helped me out and even walked me to the preschool the first day. Next week, we’re going to a preschool event together, though I don’t think her son is going.  And apparently we’re going to do some traditional meal together to celebrate our kids’ 100th day (well, sometime in the middle).  I expect I’ll have more to say about that after it happens.

So, for all the challenge that the hospital was, it’s produced some good things out of it- the two neighbors we have connections with have grown a lot closer.  Doors have opened.  And I’ve learned more about a new section of Japanese health care and procedures and what is and is not covered (all said, it’s light years cheaper than the US).

Well, I’m off to wash bottles and then head to bed.  I expect in the near-ish future, there might be a post about pre-preschools and that whole realm for me.  Let’s just say that momma was more nervous on “our” first day than my own 3 year old was.  But we’ll get to that later.

It’s been a while and it will probably be a while

I am currently sitting in a giant yellow gauze gown next to the window of a 7th floor hospital room. Outside it’s a balmy 75 degrees with clear, sunny skies. Inside it’s the view of my teeny-tiny almost 3 month old attached to an IV, sleeping in a little bassinet made of rolled up towels. 

I may actually take the idea home with me. It’s working well here. 

She’s slept most of the afternoon- which is nice, because she didn’t sleep last night. Ive taken the opportunity to have breakfast, brush my teeth, make my “bed”, have a quiet time, answer emails and mindlessly browse Facebook and play games on my phone for a while. I should try to nap but I’m a little listless right now. 

What’s wrong with the baby? Well… good question. Adenovirus, for one. Vicious mouth sores for another. Still not sure of the source. Lack of appetite. Diarrhea on the mend, we hope. And vomiting coming to an end, if only because she’s not eating that much today. 

Every day is a new plan around here. That’s fine- I get it. It’s been that way for the better part of the last 3 months as we tried every solution under the sun for colic and general crankiness. It was almost grasping at straws for a while. 

Of course, I’d like to move on to a plan that works. 

But there are things I’m grateful for:

-my wee little one being sick and in pain has allowed her to let me comfort her in a way that couldn’t be done during the intense colic stage. This is a giant balm to my soul that I can’t even express, to finally have the right touches and timing to help her. Being able to do that gives me a big peace. 

-my other bundle of joy is able to run around, be loud and obnoxious and enjoy evenings with all the lights on in the house. Even from far away, that gives me joy as our evenings over the last couple of months have been spent in minimal lighting and silence and frayed nerves. That’s hard on a 3 year old. 

-We comfort those with the comfort we’ve received– it’s a new understanding of what parents with little ones in the hospitals go through. I don’t honestly feel our situation is dire, though it’s not good and there are a lot of unknowns, but I have a new understanding of the emotions that you feel when you go back through “the doors”, back into the halls where your little one lies in pain and not knowing what will await you. When you leave for breakfast when everyone else is bringing in their lunches and you’re bone tired and don’t feel like thinking. The quietness of a hospital room when your little one is finally resting and nurses and all the rest of the world is about their business. The anxious waiting for the visit of the doctor to hopefully find out more or discuss the next plan. 

I had compassion when I was single. I had a more tender heart when I became a mother. Now I have experience– or at least a little of it. More than I want. But my heart has new compassion and yearning (??) for friends who recently or are currently going through rough rough situations. 

Well. I’m tired of vomit and diarrhea and mystery sores. On to some amusing anecdotes. 

-the doctors and nurses are in wonder at the white and pink noise tracks I use almost around the clock to calm baby. “What is that?!!” They ask. I think they think I’m weird. 

-I didn’t have my name stamp (you use that here in Japan for official documents) when I had to fill out hospital admission paperwork. So, instead they had me use the red stamp ink on my forefinger and sign with my finger print. Isn’t that interesting??

-in general, most Japanese are entranced by the Boba baby wrap carrier that I use with our little one. It’s the only way I’ve survived the last couple of months. But no one I’ve met has seen it before and I always get a crowd when putting it on and tucking her in. The Ergo baby carrier is most popular here but I’m waiting for Eliana’s neck to be more stable before I switch to mainly using that. 

-it’s a dollar a day to use the teeny tiny refrigerator in our room. (They use a prepaid card which also works in you want to use the tv). I also cannot eat or drink in the room or use the room’s bathroom here. There are rental beds but they’re out of them right now, so every night I arrange three chairs and sleep across them. It’s surprisingly not too bad!

-you also bring your own diapers, wipes, throw away bags for diapers, and towels here. Every diaper is weighed and added up in a room down the hall and then thrown away. I’m not sure, but I think we will have a trash charge on that account. 

-my husband won a special husband of the year award when he brought me a pillow without me even thinking to ask for one. He also packed a chocolate bar and usually brings me a new goodie. 

Well. Baby is stirring. Probably time to go. It was nice talking “at” the outside world for a while. Blogging is often a relaxing activity for me. 

And it’s nice to have a feeling of normalcy when you’re siting in a giant yellow gauze gown.