Ninja Mom

This summer, we spent time in the US visiting friends and supporters and forging new connections with those with a heart for ministry in Japan. It was a wonderful time and a great experience for our kids.

While we were there, the subject of language was a topic in nearly every conversation. Do I speak Japanese? Am I fluent? What do my kids speak? What do they study?

When we first came to Japan, we knew that we wanted our kids to attend a public school and be a part of the community and have friends where we live. This was important to us if they were going to grow up here. And so, in their turn, we’ve sent our 3-year-olds out to preschool to begin their own cultural and language acquisition. And we’ve walked with them through that process and into a whole new world of elementary school.

The feedback that we get about this decision on both sides of ocean is: “Wow! So, they’ll be completely fluent in both languages! And it will be so natural and great for their future.”

You’d think so, right?

One of the things that I had difficulty communicating this summer is something that I recently found out actually has a name. Over the last few years as I’ve been trying to really support and help my kids, I joined a group on Facebook that helps support us foreigners sending our kids to public schools in Japan. Language is frequently a discussion in the group.

I won’t forget the post I saw of someone who was talking about how even though they go to school, some kids actually are proficient in neither language.

How is that possible, you ask.

It’s an issue called “Double Limited”. And I’m not sure how prevalent it is in other migrant situations, but it’s actually recognized here in Japan and I’ve heard of it with some migrant children in Germany– with them being described not as bilingual but as semi-lingual.

Well, there’s a shock huh. What in the world is that all about?

It’s when a child, particularly an immigrant child, is born and raised in a mother language but attends school in another language. At home, the child has a limited “home life” vocabulary.

And unless the child is supported well in their education in the other language (a challenge for the parent who was not raised in that system and philosophy of education), they can often fall behind academically, and really struggle, as they have less actual practice time developing the language since it is not spoken at home.

In addition to the psychological issues and anxiety associated with this issue, the child -> youth -> adult becomes limited professionally and sometimes socially, because while they are fluent as far as daily life situations, they can’t communicate on a level expected of an adult who has been educated and grown up in that language.

And by that time, it’s quite difficult to fix the mistake.

This was a dilemma I couldn’t quite put my finger on for a couple years.

Yeah, it seemed like it should all be so natural, and I had thought so too when I was taking first steps in this path. They’ll just go to school and learn there, and I’ll teach English at home, and viola!

Naive.

I began teaching English early to my kids, homeschooling before the school day begins. And while I only do 45 minutes a day, I realized quickly how insufficient that actually was when it came to writing and creative expression. There’s only so much you can do with spelling, reading comprehension, writing, grammar and writing practice. 45 minutes (some days only 30 minutes) seems a lot for just English, until you realize that the writing/grammar/spelling and comprehension needed for other subjects studied in school actually supports the language arts subject itself.

I’m not an educator, I’m just speaking from my own experience.

Then you have the language (and culture) of the school and communications needed within that. And while both the teachers and I say that socially, my kids are fine, these teachers have given me key points from a grammatical standpoint to look out for since when kids hit the upper grades and middle school, “misses” in grammar or weird ways of speaking can subject them to being made fun of or left out of the group with, or even outright bullying.

That’s exciting, right? Then there’s a whole side of the competitive nature of educational system and the pressure here, which is a whole other topic.

I’ve come to realize that kids will actually need significantly more support that I imagined.

On a DIY level, in the lower grades, I spend a lot of time with them and need to purchase additional supplemental materials to help with my kids’ study. Every reading assignment we review for vocabulary, kanji (Chinese characters) that have new or different pronunciations, and grammar points.

It definitely extends homework time, which few kids really want.

In addition, if they come home with questions of math and science or whatever… the challenge I find is that I could easily explain it to them… but in English. But if I do that, then they understand and interpret in English. And that doesn’t help them when they are in school, by themselves.

The other day, I sat down to help one of my kids with a huge mental sigh and gathering of the mental forces to apply myself. I looked at it, looked at the answer key provided for parents (seriously, that is a wonderful tool), and figured out what I needed to do and began my explanation in Japanese.

My kid stops me and goes, “Mom, can you just explain it in English?”

…. So no. It’s not a natural, obvious process. AT ALL.

For a while, it felt like, despite my effort, I wasn’t doing a good job by my kids in either language. Was it just me and my high standards? Was it normal to be behind? How far is too far? Would they catch up and everything work out in the end?

No one I talk to seems to have the slightest idea that this is actually quite common for foreigner kids here in Japan. I surely didn’t. While some encouraged me that it would all be fine and not to stress (easy to say), I realized it’s not worth the risk to skimp out on educational consideration in the blind hope that it will all turn out fine.

I think it’s important for people to know that this is a reality and needs to be planned for and requires a lot of intentionality, whatever path they may take.

My oldest recently expressed the desire to me to have a tutor. And from the support group I mentioned above, I knew that this would likely be a necessity somewhere along the path for us. The question was when. Having been mentally exhausted for a while, I realized how much energy and effort this was taking out of me as a parent, and in order to really give my child the support she needs, we’ve been moving forward with that.

I applied online for a trial lesson, having no idea what I was doing. Cue nonstop ringing of my phone for companies wanting to schedule trial lessons and sifting through what methodologies were good, what prices were affordable, what effort would be required.

It’s been quite an uphill experience, but I’m glad I’ve learned about this. Hopefully my rambling will help anyone who might be considering Japan specifically… or others who might see an immigrant kid in your area. I’m still figuring out the whole English language side of it, while trying to balance that I’d like to let my kids relax and enjoy their childhood without every moment being study time.

Well, it’s a Friday night guys. My kids just got home from a play date (developing those social skills!) and I’m gonna make some dinner and then let our brains chillax and celebrate that we finished out the week.