Ninja Mom

Well, you made it though the saga.

Thanks for sticking with me.

I had some content for new posts in my mind, but before I wrote those things, I felt it was important for me to write some of this down.

For one thing, I wanted to remember this. It was a big trip for me in so many ways–

• First time I’d ever flown overseas with one of my kids by myself.

• First time I’d ever left my kids on another continent.

• There were questions of the timing of it all, so many external circumstances happening.

• Going to say goodbyes, and to hopefully minister to my dad’s needs.

• Last time visiting the home that held the final memories I had of both my dad and my brother who we had lost some 18 months beforehand.

Personality-speaking, it was a lot for me to leave with so many things up in the air, so many major projects ahead of me unfinished, so many emotional situations that I would walk through, obstacles to overcome.

And everything at every turned seemed to go wrong.

But you know what, what I said in the beginning was true. I knew that if I had a clear answer from the Lord on whether to proceed or not, then I’d be able to walk through the rest of it.

And yes, I felt like God had given me the green light to go in some very clear ways. And then He helped me overcome each obstacle– or in some cases, recognize them ahead of time. And after I had done what I could in each situation, it was a real exercise (set of exercises) in just saying, “Ok, God, this is as far as I could come in the abilities and giftings You’ve given me, You have to carry me the rest of the way.”

And He did. He carried me through in my weakness, in my moments of brokenness, in my inabilities, in my inadequacies. He ministered to me in areas I didn’t know I needed, He touched my heart in deep and profound ways as I spent those final hours with my dad.

It was all around a journey for me.

And while I debated for a long time if I wanted to even re-hash this all for the blog, and which parts of it I wanted to share, and how to even tell such a crazy story, what it finally came down to was this:

I wanted my kids to know that God is bigger than any world pandemic, any government requirement, any number of obstacles, any emotional mess you might have to go through. And though the journey itself may seem overwhelming and uncertain, God will walk with you through it and He’ll do things inside your soul that you didn’t know needed done.

If He has led you to it, called you to it, then He’s got ya.

And so I need to recall these stories and these details for my kids and not let these memories fade away. I want to make my future grandkids sit still as I point at them with gnarly granny-hands and authoritatively say, “God is faithful and good– and I will tell you why.”

And I needed to remember for myself too. Because sometimes I forget how truly good and faithful God has been.

That’s not to say that I came back and all was super-duper, happy end of the movie.

It wasn’t. I was exhausted. I needed serious soul rest and physical and mental rest. And to be honest, I didn’t get much of it, because I was about to move our family and transfer all our utilities in a foreign language (don’t even get me started…), all while keeping on the job.

It all took its toll.

I got very, very sick during our move. It may or may not be a story for another time.

And by the end of the year as we met our final deadlines for projects and had a week of rest planned, I felt like I was one of those marathon runners whose bodies give out and absolutely collapse just before reaching the finish line. Have you ever seen those videos? Those last 20 feet are so long as they use all their might to dredge up those last reserves of energy and control to finish. It’s agony to watch them.

Though God carried us through, was faithful in every point, and beyond good to me and to us, there is a time for rest, processing and full restoration of health that must take place. It’s one thing that this season has taught me… and us… that you can’t just keep going.

It’s ok to take a rest and process things.

It’s not even just “ok”. It’s vital.

So, that’s been one of my goals for this year (again, another post)– intentional rest and whole health.

Most of the time, there isn’t the luxury of just stopping everything to process, but a considerable trimming down of things for a season so that later I can come back energized. And being ok with letting some things wait to get done.

(Guys, that’s serious growth for an ISTJ). *

So, there we are friends.

Good news is that I have a rather humorous post coming up! I’m tired of the drama!

So stay tuned!

*If you don’t know what I’m talking about, check out the Meyers-Briggs personality stuff, it’s so interesting!