Ninja Mom

If I could choose 2 phrases that could get you through maybe half of life in Japan (I honestly don’t even know how to calculate this), it would be:

「すみません」- Sumimasen- I’m sorry/please excuse me

and

「よろしくお願いします」- yoroshiku onegaishimasu- Please have favor on me/thank you for your cooperation.

I think you could possibly use one or both in every conversation in “life in Japan”.

Seriously though, we apologize and excuse ourselves for everything here. It’s almost engrained in your approach to life.

I bumped into you? Oh, I’m sorry. (Of course, that’s common courtesy).

Oh, you bumped into me? I’m sorry! (I must have been in your way).

You gave me a gift? Oh, I’m so sorry you had to be bothered to go to such lengths on my behalf. I feel guilty. Is it really ok to receive it???

I gave you a gift? Oh, I’m sorry, please accept this gift that is not worth so much.

I dropped my phone and you picked it up for me: “I’m so sorry!” (this doubles as a thank you)

Asking a customer service agent to adjust something for you: I’m so sorry for the ask.

Need to get the waiter’s attention? Sumimasen!!

I made a mistake? Oh that’s a big Sumimasen that requires higher levels of apologies.

I’m giving you important information you might not be aware of? Sumimasen…..

Too loud? Too quiet? Too good? Not good enough? All could do a sumimasen.

Got an opinion? Carefully consider it and if you still want to say it, start off with a “Sumimasen”

I’m asking you for literally anything in the world? Sumimasen.

You can pretty much apologize just for existing here. But literally, apologies are expected and you can offend if you don’t sumimasen well enough or even if you don’t realize you’ve offended. So, it can sometimes be better to just assume you might need to start off with a “please excuse me” or a “So sorry…”

It’s very different from America, where apologies can be seen as weakness on your end. I remember being advised, “Don’t apologize for a late reply. Just thank them for their patience.”

This summer, while visiting the States, I was in a family member’s way in the kitchen. Not in a big or bad way, I am just now very conscientious of where I am, how I’m behaving, and who needs what and if I’m in any possible way being an inconvenience.

I apologized because now it’s innate in me. It was meant as an acknowledgement and not anything else, but for some reason, it struck a wrong chord with my family member.

So, I apologized for apologizing, it’s just because I’m used to it now, and I’m so sorry that’s confusing for you.

And in some way, I felt that maybe I had almost levelled-up in Japaneseness.