There was drama. Actually, there hadn’t really been a lack of it, but this one called for a meeting with my two fellow PTA officers and another parent.
It was 10pm and I was following the ping-ping-ping of continuous conversation flowing through our chat group, I tried to keep up with the conversation– the half-said things, the unsaid things, the history referred to but uncaptured by me.
I made dinner for my family and headed out down the street for our outdoor meeting of 4, kept in the chilly air so as to try to keep it brief.
Still, I knew that in matters of the “undercurrent in the community” and conflict resolution, I was way above my head in it, and yet as part of the “sanyaku” (three officers), this fell to our responsibility to resolve. I was pretty certain that my presence was understood as purely support of my partners, as my Western solutions tended to be too direct and maybe not as delicate.
So, as I sat on the cold bench next to the parent who had a whole bunch to say, I furrowed my eyebrows and nodded my way through the long discussion of grievances, giving an assenting “unnn, unnn” of understanding. As silence fell and my partners gave their thoughtful opinions and direction, I looked to them, giving them all my attention, trying to pick up and learn where I could.
A longer silence followed with deep, occassional “unnns”, closed eyes and a thoughtful tilting of the head by the parent. Clearly, the proposed solution was not as conciliatory as had been hoped for.
An hour later, an understanding was reached. It probably wasn’t what the parent had hoped for, but it was really the most reasonable solution.
As the parent walked away, we three turned to each other. I broke the ice by apologizing for not having anything to offer during the meeting.
One of my partners quipped, “Not at all, that’s fine, Janine-san. You listened with all your heart.”
We finished up, and I walked away with a bit of a smirk on my face.
Well. At least I can listen, if nothing else.
I guess, for a Westerner, where we tend to deal in words and decisive, clear-cut action, I had done a good job of quiet support and thoughtful listening. So I guess this could have been a compliment.
But, because I still have some western sensibilities, I still don’t know how I feel about that comment! Ha!
Ninja Mom 